How to manage overshopping

 

Hello, everyone, and welcome to the podcast today. I wanted to do an episode on overshopping for you, because this is something that is going to be showing up a lot, especially with back Friday sales and Cyber Monday sales coming up, this week, actually, and I wanted to do this because it shows up with so many of my clients. And so I thought it would be something that's really useful for you especially during this period.

 

So what is overshopping? Overshopping is when you are shopping more than you need to, and in the moment it feels really good, you get a burst of dopamine, that feel good hormone in your brain, and it

 

feels really good to buy all the things right. And then what tends to happen is later on, there's a net negative. So you may see your credit card statement and think “Oh, gosh, I've spent quite a lot of money”. You may notice that you don't use all of the things that you bought, or you may think, “Hey, this is actually cluttering up my home, and I don't actually need everything that I have here.” So when you are thinking about this it's useful to know about the natural and the false pleasures.

 

So I'm just going to go over this very briefly in this podcast, but if you want to find out about it in depth, then go back and listen to my episode on the podcast on natural and false pleasures.

 

Okay, so what is a natural pleasure? Natural pleasures are things like food that's fuel for your body, drinking water, moving your body, sex, accomplishment, love, cleanliness, and connection.

 

So whenever you're doing any of these things what tends to happen, is you get a small dopamine hit in your brain.

 

The dopamine is the feel good hormone and that makes you feel good. Right?

 

That's the hormone of desire the the hormone that actually makes us feel good in our brain.

 

Okay, So whenever we're doing these natural pleasures we get a smaller dopamine here, but it's sustainable, there's no net negatives. There's no negatives of doing these things and actually they compound on each other, which means, when you are eating food that's fuel for your body for a week, the compound effect after a week is going to be more than on the first day. The compound effect in a year is going to be even more than on the first day. So that's what I mean by compounding on each other.

 

Now let's talk about the false pleasures, So these are things like eating a lot of sugar and flour, drinking a lot of alcohol, gambling, porn, over-scrolling on social media, over-watching Netflix, overshopping things like that. Whenever you're doing these things, you get pleasure in the moment. It's really pleasurable to do those things in the moment, but there's a net negative.

 

What tends to happen is we feel great in the moment and then there's always something negative that comes up afterwards when we're eating too much sugar and flower.

 

We feel great eating it in the moment, and then we may struggle with our clothes.

 

Being typed or feeling guilty. that We'd eat in way more than we needed to right. when we are watching Netflix.

 

It feels great in the moment. but then, when we're going to bed much later than we had anticipated, it impacts the rest of the day and our our health overall right, so whenever we are indulging in the false pleasures, it's

because we want that dopamine hit. We as humans are primed to think, hey, we've got a primitive brain that wants us to seek pleasure, avoid pain, and stay how we are, and whenever it gets a big dopamine hit thinks that that's essential for our survival.

 

So this is the reason why it wants us to do those things.

 

It wants us to eat a lot sugar and flour, to drink alcohol, to watch the Netflix to shop, and at this time of year, especially with Christmas round the corner with Black Friday Cyber Monday, everyone is thinking about hey?

 

I need to do some shopping right. We may be doing things.

 

We may be over shopping more than we actually need to and it's because it feels so amazing in the moment.

 

But then there's always that net negative this shows up so much with my weight loss clients, because when they stop using food as a buffer, so something to push away our negative emotions, then they may switch to over shopping right because when we are not using food to push away negative emotion. They may think, Okay, what can I do now to push away this negative emotion because it feels too uncomfortable.

 

So they may switch to over shopping. I've seen this quite often with my weight loss clients, sometimes even before they start on the program they're doing both because both are very pleasurable to that primitive brain.

 

But then, when they come into the program, they learn about the science, and why this is happening, and then they have more awareness into it.

 

And when then they learn how to actually feel their emotions then they don't need to purchase more things or eat more food or drink more alcohol, to actually feel better, because they know that any emotion is meant to be there, whether it's positive or negative. and it's always part of the human experience, and it will never harm them, no matter how hard it seems in the moment.

 

Okay, So when we're thinking about overshopping I want you to like, really think about some of these things that you're buying.

 

One thing that can help is to have some sort of shopping plan.

 

So like, How do we have a food plan for weight, loss or an alcohol plan for drinking alcohol is useful to have a shopping or a money plan. When you are shopping, it may be useful to actually think about what are the exact things that I actually want to buy, and how much time and effort do I want to spend on looking for this.

 

I remember when I was losing weight, I used to spend hours and hours and hours on the Internet just just scrolling through like looking at different things, and I used to spend hours looking for the best deal and what I realized is that actually it was more expensive for me doing it that way, because I was spending so much of my time on that.

 

And so then, when I was doing that, I wasn't actually spending my time, money, and energy on the things that I actually loved and were very valuable in my life, like spending it on my with my family, or for myself or on my business. So when you are doing that it's basically trying to push away some negative emotions, So when you feel that urge when you feel like, Oh, I've got that feeling of over desire to actually do some shopping, your brain may

convince you that this is really important I should be doing this because it's going to be much cheaper right now.

 

But even if it's cheap right now, that doesn't mean that you need to buy it, if you're not gonna use it. So what are the questions to ask yourself in that shopping plan that you make Is like, what am I allowed to buy? People go on a no buy. Some people say i'm not allowed to buy anything for myself, other than gifts for birthday parties, or Christmas or anniversaries.

 

You get to decide on your plan, what would suit you?

 

Some people add in things like I'm allowed to buy one thing for myself per month.

 

So you get to decide how you want to do it. You can even set a budget on there if you like.

 

Some people, they really say I'm gonna buy one thing and then they'll buy a show.

 

I'll pass every month. So of course it's gonna be really expensive, right?

 

But you want to find a plan that actually suits you.

 

Yeah, and make it very specific. What kinds of things are you allowed?

 

What kinds of things are you saying that you're not going to be buying when you make it very specific.

 

Then there's less ambiguity in the brain. “Am I allowed to buy this?Am I not?” and also then it helps to hold yourself accountable because if it's kind of like, “oh, i'm only allowed to buy essentials.”

 

What constitutes as an essential your brain's always gonna wanna say, “hey, this is an essential, so i'm allowed to buy it because it wants you to seek that pleasure, avoid pain. and stay how you are. It's very pleasurable to buy the things in the moment.

 

It's actually painful to say no to yourself according to your primitive brain. And if you've always done it, then it's always gonna wanna just keep doing what you've always done because that has kept you safe so far, because

 

you're alive right now. So your brain was gonna want to repeat what's already done.

 

Okay, what you to think about when you are actually buying it.

 

Is this an impulse purchase? or is this something that you actually need and actually want?

 

And when you're buying something think about if it's for yourself.

 

Think about say if it's most of the things that my clients buy off clothes, shoes, makeup purses things like that.

 

So if that is what you are buying I want you to think about.

 

Have you got something similar in your wood, rip already? If you have, then do you really need this?

 

Are you going to be discarding the other thing, or are you going to be replacing it like?

 

What are you going to be doing with the other thing that's very similar?

 

Do you actually need it? Is it going to match with all the other things that you actually already have in your closet?

 

There's so many people who are adopting a capsule wardrobe now, right?

 

So they just have specific items up to 20 items in their wardrobe, and then they mix and match different outfits, using that.

 

So if that is something that you'd like to do that's something that a lot of people on pinterest Youtube and things are able to advise you with.

 

I haven't actually quite done that yet. but when I actually started using the way.

 

What I did was I got rid of more or less like 3 quarters of my woodrope because most of the things didn't fit me properly.

 

They didn't like they were too big or too small and I was just like I just wanted to wear clothes that actually fit my body properly.

 

And so then, when I was able to go through my wardrobe completely, I was able to know what I had.

 

Why, I didn't have and what I would like to purchase if I did need anything right, so be go through your wardrobe first before you buy anything, just make sure you don't have anything too.

 

Similar, and always buy something that you know that you're gonna make use of.

 

So at least 10 to 20 wears with anything new that you buy.

 

Some things look beautiful. It look amazing But if you're not going to be able to wear them at least 10 to 20 times.

 

Then you may want to actually say to yourself, Is this something that I want to put?

 

Is this versatile, or is this not right? so really ask yourself these questions, Then what I want you to think about is is this in my price?

 

Range. Sometimes it may be beautiful, it may be very versatile.

 

Maybe all of these things, but it may not be in your press range right now, and that is okay.

 

You don't have to give into the edge every time that urge It's like you know, when you are learning how to feel that urge to not eat the food.

 

It's the same urge that you will learn how to feel in your body when you go through the program, because it's that same feeling of vote over desire.

 

You want it so bad that you you need it. actually when you learn how to feel the urge in your body.

 

You don't need it Nothing bad. is going to happen even if the body and the brain is making you feel like Oh, my gosh!

 

This is very, very urgent, and if I don't buy it or eat it.

 

Then i'm gonna die that's just not the case okay, So you can just even like put your hand on your heart, maybe.

 

And just say it's Okay, I know I know this feels really hard.

 

But actually, this is just an urge. so just even naming it can help you.

 

Then what I want you to do is make a very clear plan of what i'm going to buy and by when because that researching is something that takes ages and ages and ages if you're anything like me that's what I

 

did, and that's what I you know did for hours and hours and hours, and it just took up a lot of my time.

 

So now, what I do is I say to myself, this is what I need to buy.

 

I give myself 10 min to purchase and even if it's 2 or £3.

 

This sail that way. It doesn't matter because what i've done is, I've saved so much time.

 

So this means that you are able to make a decision quickly, and you are able to have your own back about that decision before.

 

What I used to do was I used to buy something, and I used to go back like days after to see.

 

Did I get the best deal, and I was like, Why would I do that?

 

Why would it spend my time looking to see if I got the best deal on all?

 

It would like Really, annoy me if it if I didn't And so then I realized that that isn't something that I wanted to continue doing so.

 

I don't do that anymore for you I want you to think about? Why are you buying all of these things?

 

When does it come up for you? Does it come up mainly in the evenings of?

 

Do you put the kids to bed? Does it come up because you're telling yourself that I need to reward myself because I am working so hard all day.

 

Are you saying to yourself that this is something that I need to make myself feel better?

 

Are you saying to yourself that it is essential for you to buy something for yourself just to like?

 

Get on with life, whatever it may be for you I want you to really get clear on that, because it's very easy to keep buying and buying and buying and buying and in this day and age there's like

 

it's so readily available, everything is so virtually available. So if you do want to go on a nobby or a or a buying a specific amount of like a specific set of things.

 

Then you can make a very clear plan for yourself when you have made that very clear plan for yourself.

 

It's about then sticking to it and if you're not able to stick to it.

 

Then asking yourself the question, Why, what is the reason why I wasn't able to stick to it?

 

This time was it because you're saying to yourself, this this a little bit won't hurt here over there was it because you're saying no, I really needed this item was it because you were saying it I i'll miss out If I

 

Don't have it was it because you're saying that it would be rude if I don't buy this person this this gift can you see the parallels with food I need to have it because I deserve it it

 

would be rude if I said no. these same thoughts come up with food, and the way you do one thing is often the way you do something else.

 

So it's really important to start noticing if i'm doing, taking this this pattern with my food, I may be doing it with my shopping as well.

 

So I want you to really get clear on that. Make a very clear plan for yourself.

 

Be specific in that plan, and when you're not able to stick to it, evaluate it without judgment, and say, Hey, I wonder what was going on for me?

 

How can I make it so that I can make a doable plan with my shopping as well? So that it is something that I can stick to, and something that I can evaluate without any judgment, and just be like hey?

 

Okay, I didn't stick to it? what was going on for me what emotion was I not willing to feel because whenever you give into the urge of overshopping It's because you're not willing to feel a certain

 

emotion. Is it because you were stressed out after a long day?

 

Is it because you felt like you needed some relaxation and That's how you relax. Is it?

 

How you connect with your partner, Is it how you people please your family by buying things for them, whatever it may be.

 

Get clear on the reason. and identify. what is that in motion that i'm unwilling to feel or the emotion that I want to enhance.

 

That's Why, i'm doing this right and when you can get clear on that.

 

Ask yourself, how can I provide that to myself without over shopping without food?

 

And that's how you will be able to start giving yourself what you truly need without anything external.

 

So then, when you're actually giving yourself, what you truly need then you don't need that overshopping that that constant urge to buy the extra things, 2 feel better, because you're giving your body your brain what you truly truly

 

desire. So if this is you really like put this into practice, especially with with black Friday and Cyber Monday coming up, and I hope that this really helps you in your Christmas shopping, and and in your in your sales shopping when it's

 

the Boxing Day sales, so I hope you found this useful.

 

If you did find this useful, i'd be really grateful if you shared it with someone who you think would benefit from this, because this free information is life, it's actually life.

 

Changing, if you decide to put your all into giving it a go and actually changing it. And listen.

 

If you would like to work on this further. I have 2 ways that you could work with me.

 

I am currently I have a few spots open in my one to one coaching practice, and I would love to coach you there. The one-to-one coaching is for people who want to dive deep into one particular topic it may

 

be weight loss, but maybe other things as well, and it may be something that maybe quite deep to talk about on a group kitchen call.

 

It may be for people who want one to. one access to me maybe for people who really value my depth in all the other areas of life, and want to focus on other things like there's like money, like time, management as well as maybe weight loss some of the

 

clients like in the one-to-one coaching.

 

They just want some privacy, and they don't want to talk about these things in front of others.

 

Some of them have have very hectic times schedules, and they want to be able to have a coaching call that fits in with their time schedules.

 

So, whatever it may be, for you, if that suits you you can go to www dot and route coaching com forward, slash private coaching, and you'd be able to book a free consult with me over there, and if you would

 

like to get on the waitlist for the february group coaching program.

 

I'm going to be opening up pre enrollment for that very soon, so make sure you get on the wait list, and you will find out all the information on how you can pre enroll, and with pre enrollment.

 

You're gonna get bonuses for joining early so if you would like to take advantage of that.

 

Then make sure you go to www Dot and Ruti coaching com forward, slash group to read all about the group, to find out all about it, to start generating any questions that you may have and then when I open up pre

 

involvement you are, if you're actually on the wait list which you can do on that page.

 

Then you will find out all the information and be the first to be able to print roll.

 

So I look forward to working with all of you, and I look forward to helping you through this part of your life that you have struggled with all your life.

 

And this is something that doesn't have to be the case and I could definitely help you with that. So I feel so honored to be able to be your coach and to help you through this.

 

So with that I will see you next week. All right, ladies, take care, bye.