Evaluating 2022Dec 27, 2022
Hello, everyone and welcome to the podcast, today. I wanted to round off the Year.
And talk about all the amazing things that have happened, this year.
But also, all, the tough. Things that have happened this year, and I wanted to just keep it, raw and personal, for you, because I wanted to model to you what it's like to have the 50 over 50 of the human.
Experience, right, the absolutely amazing things, and the things that are really tough, that when you actually go in towards the tough things, then how you come out.
The other side, a more evolved version of yourself, right?
And how you could actually learn from that experience and use that to get you closer, to your goal.
So I wanted to talk about it from that lens, because then what you can do is you can apply that to your own journey, right.
You can decide. Okay, what do. I really like, about this year, how can I implement that in the year 2023, that's coming soon as well, how can I look at what didn't go so well, and how can I look at how can I learn from this and what will I do differently in
This kind of situation. Because whenever we go back and look at the things that we found difficult.
There's always so much bold to learn from that, and when we are willing to evaluate like we do in weight loss, when we're looking at okay, what went well, today, in the day, what didn't go so well, and what will we do differently, then it just gives a very clear indication
Of what fixed on right? So it's so useful to evaluate.
So this is basically an evaluation of the year.
So a few amazing things. Personally, the things that like makes my heart light up.
When I think about me, personally, is that I've maintained my weight for another year, I mean that is so phenomenal after decades.
So 3 and a half decades of my weight going up and down, up and down, up and down, up, and down, up and down, like, 20 kilos, this Way, 20 Kilos, that way it's, just so Refreshing to know that I found the answer and the answer was not outside of me the answer was learning
The tools once, and then applying them on myself again, and again, and again, and having a coach who can help me with that even now
Because even though I don't have a weight loss coach anymore.
I still have a live coach, and I'm gonna continue having a life coach for life.
Because I have a human brain, and I know that my brain is always going to want to see, pleasure, avoid pain.
And stay, how I am. So it's always gonna want to keep me.
Small. It's always going to want to keep me the same, and actually, that is not what I was putting this earth to do I was put on this earth to grow to evolve to inspire, to live my purpose and that involves.
A lot of discomfort, right putting myself out there when it feels really scary, fearing, rejection, and fearing, failure.
It can be a really tough time, when I don't have a coach who's there who has made back, but also who's able to say the tough things and show me how my thoughts are holding me Back and then Invite, me to just Tweet them slightly it doesn't have to be going from I hate my
Body, to I love my body. There's lots of possibilities in between that could be an option as well.
So just Tweaking them slightly, so that I feel better.
So that I can take actions from that feeling which will then enable me to get the result that I actually want right, so it just absolutely blows my mind that for another year I maintained my way, in that weight range that I wanted and I am so so proud of myself.
About that, especially because for so long I used to shame myself and beat myself can I whit myself into eating hardly any food, and just it was really really miserable and learning how to fuel my body being the most energetic being able to inspire other ladies on this incredible path is just literally one of the
Biggest honours of my life, and I feel so proud that I've been able to keep it off and that I just feel so easy and just so normal to me now, even though for so long it was a real struggle.
So this just shows the beauty of the human brain and the human body.
We are so adaptable as humans, we don't even know what our capability is.
Unless we put ourselves in that kind of situation where we are doing the hard thing, because let's face it doing like unraveling neural pathways that have been built for like a lifetime can be tough stuff, and so it can take a while to actually reprogrammed the brain and get your
Brain thinking, in a way that serves you as the norm for you. Now, that doesn't mean that you're not gonna get tremendous results along the way I lost 21 kilos in 4 and a half months. I got tremendous results along the way. But initially what I was doing is I was overworking, and I was over doing the kind of weight loss, and then I basically gained back some of the way, because I wasn't sustainable for me.
Right. And then I got to a place. Where oh, my gosh, this is sustainable for me now.
So it was heavier, you a bit heavier than my original goal weight, and I was so proud of that, and I was so happy with that because I didn't want to live a life where I was constantly like hustling to create weight loss I just wanted it to be simple, easy, and not something that had to think so much about, so that may be something that may come up for you in your weightless journey as well, might actually do a specific put cost on that another time.
What else happened? I had times in my parenting journey, where things were really tough, but also, when things were so amazing.
So Veeray started Reception, which was a huge milestone, because it, felt like my baby's, no longer baby, and it was like quite emotional.
But also I felt really proud. Because he has had sometimes in his childhood, where he struggled with his physical health, and with his meltdowns, and things, and so it felt like a turning point for him to be honest one thing, that I did struggle with a lot, and I still am working on is his meltdowns, and he often has them, and that's when I'm calm for the first 10 times, and then I just screen and I'm really trying to work on what would it be like.
For me to stay calm, even when I want to just shout and scream at him, and I'm really like kind of pushing myself to stretch my brain, so that I'm able to hold space, for all of his emotion because the More, I'm Able to hold space, for my all all my emotions my grief, my sadness, my embarrassment, my nervousness, my shame, my disappointment, then the more Able I'm gonna be to be able to hold space, for him so what that means is just being a when i'm able to be with myself, and not judge myself in that situation, I'm going, to be more equipped to let him have his negative emotion, that he's meant to have because he's a human living on this planet and not need to make it better for him but being there to support him, in that which is so powerful because now as a parent before I used to be like stop crying, don't cry, and now I'm like let it out baby. It's okay. It's okay to feel sad, it's okay to feel angry.
And so the the way I talk to him is completely different.
Now, and I think this is literally changing both, my kids lives because they are embracing emotion.
They are talking about it, they are aware that they're thoughts.
Create their feelings, and literally, there is no bigger honour on this earth for me, other than setting my kids up to know about this stuff and actually practice it.
So that is really something that I'm really proud of
It's been tough with Vivaan's attitude. So he's such a good boy he's such a good boy at school. He's very very good! And I never have any complaints or anything in fact. It's like a joke, that he tells me about that once he was sent to the end of the line in his assembly, because he was talking or he was giggling with one of his friends and like he keeps breaking coming, back to that story, because that's, the only like cheeky thing, that he's done in school. Right. So It feels like he's so good in every other air of his life. But then when he comes home, that's when he lets out this negative 50% that he's been building up in him. So initially, I was like why is he just being like that with me, and it was like really tough. And I was always thinking, this isn't fair like I always have to get the brunt of it, and things like that. But then I see realising that he must feel really close to me really connected to me, because he can truly be himself with me, and I'm the only person in the whole world.
He can do that with oh, my gosh! That completely changed the way I interpreted his outbursts with me, and it was I mean don't get me.
Wrong sometimes it's still hard when someone's shouting or screaming in your face, when you have a really done anything, but I'm able to hold space for him, a lot better because when I have Outbursts I am able to hold space, for myself as well, and allow myself to feel those negative emotions, that do come up with me, so, yeah, and that was something.
Another thing was me learning how to partner with my brain. So I have recently found out and self diagnosed as ADHD. So not the typical, you know hyperactive boy kind of ADHD, that is portrayed in the media, but more like instead of physical hyperactivity, I have mental hyperactivity, so my both constantly like going like brrrrr, really spinning very fast all the time and I have things in my like i've had since childhood, so I think that i've had this, for my for my whole life and it's just given me so much relief to know that there's not something wrong with me, but actually that this is just the way my brain is meant to be. I mean, it's always been so things like being messy, being clumsy, being, scatty, forgetting things, being able to hold space for myself and be like oh, it's because of this and when I can like put a label on it, it's really helped me understand my brain, more and I've been able to partner with my brain, instead of beating myself up for not doing the thing on my calendar like, I said, I would, and just holding space for of course it's going to be like that because sometimes you're going to procrastinate for a few hours, and sometimes when you have hyperfocus with your ADHD you get things done, that most people would get done in a week in an hour. So it's like there's going to be a bit of both and just holding space, for that having like my calendar organised, so I'm able to understand that has been huge for me. Being able to talk about it with my parents, with Rick, with my in-laws, understanding the disagreements I may have had with people are most likely to do with these perceived flaws in my character, but actually, it's nothing to do with my character, it was just the way my brain is and to know that I haven't done something wrong has been huge for me. So I am just learning how to accept that further and further, and it has really shown me why I am doing what I'm doing right now, because I have the ADHD superpowers as well. I am so articulate with what I'm saying, I’m so able to talk to you guys about concepts that are really tough and really difficult to understand and I'm able to just say it to you, I'm great on video, and I'm great on podcast and I can just talk about a concept that may be really tough to understand and I'm really good at breaking it down, and explaining it to people. I am so good at holding space, and being connected to people. Being connected to people is my superpower. I'm so good at that and it enabled me to realise that actually the more connected I am with myself, the more i'm accepting myself exactly how I am the easier is for me to coach my clients. So I've been really working on that, and it's been life changing. I tell you like it's definitely gonna be getting used to this new way of understanding, my brain and things, but I have started doing this work, and it has really, basically like, taken off this weight off my shoulders, that I know has been there for so so so so long. And now I just understand it more. So, this is also the beauty of coaching, because this is what we do in coaching it may be like you're thinking that there's something wrong with you, but actually it's just a belief system. It's just a thought that you've been thinking about yourself again and again, and again, and actually there's no truth in that, and when you release that belief, system, you release that thought it feels like there's a weight that's been taken off your shoulders. That's what happened with me with the ADHD when I realised that there’s nothing wrong with me, it is just the way my brain is wired, it just lifted this whole weight, and even when I say it now it feels that oh, I could just breathe a sigh of relief, right? So this was that this was a real up and down journey for me, because I was accepting it. I was understanding it. I was figuring out basically and it was definitely up and up and Down journey.
But I was really proud of myself, for sticking with it, and now I feel like I understand myself to a level that i've never understood myself before and just reading so much about it it's been so heartwarming to know. Oh, my gosh I've been like doing all of these things to manage my ADHD without even knowing that I was doing that, and it was right really fun to know that oh, all the things that people are suggesting, I’ve been doing that for most of my life, so that's really cool that my brain just somehow figured out that this is a way that it will work so let's do it like this.
I've noticed that my relationship with Rick has gone from good to better. I mean I literally love the guy so much, I love spending time with him. I love supporting him, and it's like we've gone through some really tough times this year, and it sometimes seems of these things have some of these situations that came up, I had thoughts that were sending me into literally the emotion of terror. I was so scared, I was so like it would set send me into a fight or flight response, and even though I knew that I was completely safe in my home with my family, everyone was okay, I was still unable to get rid of this feeling of terror in my body, and I knew that it was bringing up so much from my past, so much of the work that I've been doing, has been to learn how to stabilise and calm down my nervous system when it was going into this terror. So that was really huge for me. Me being able to be vulnerable with him has changed everything. Before I used to think that I needed to be superwoman. I needed to be able to look after the kids, the home the family, the extended family him, all the housework, and stuff, like that. Don't get me wrong, he helped a lot, like he was he's really a hands-on Dad, and things, but in terms of the pressure that was putting on myself, that was something that I was just doing, kind of because maybe because I didn't want to think that I wasn't doing a good enough job. So I would take one more, and more, and actually there came a point where I was just like no I don't want to do anymore and I can't do anymore. And so I was very vulnerable with him, and I would just talk to him about I'm really struggling, and we came to this just like we would discuss it, and we would figure out ways to actually make it work, for the family, and there were times where he was going through tough times, and I would step up and there were times where I was going through a tough time, and he would step up, and it was just like such a lovely dynamic.
And this was only because I was able to get raw and vulnerable with him, and tell him exactly how I was feeding and this changed everything, especially in a world where we as women are conditioned, to believe that we need to be able to do everything, this changed everything. So I basically had to do a lot of unpacking and re-parenting of my younger self, that past Amruti who learned certain things, and who tried to make the best in the situation, that she was in when she was little and now coming back, as an adult and offering that I can choose to think of this in a way that may be different to what I learnt as a child and that's completely okay. And I am able to do that, because I learned all of those things as a child, so I can equally unlearn them, and learn a different way as an adult. So that was one thing.
One thing that's been really hard for me is that I have failed at every single financial goal that I have set this year. This was so hard. I wanted to quit so many times, and I had thoughts of Oh, I'm not cut out for this and they were times that it got so tough I was actually questioning going back to Medicine. I was constantly beating myself up for reinvesting nearly everything that I had earned back into my brain and back into my business. And the reason I wanted to do that is because I knew that I could create from my brain. I knew that I wanted to be the best coach for my people. But I kept coming back to I was worried that I’d spent over a 150 K over 2 years on coaching and coaching certifications. When I mentioned that to people, often people think oh, my god firstly, you have that much money to invest oh, my gosh, you must be raking it in but when you are spending nearly everything that you earn on this then of course you're not gonna have much at all at the end of it, right so
I invested in it, because I, not because I had to because everyone's like is coaching a pyramid scheme. Do you have to give? and I'm like No, no, it's not at all. But I chose to, and it was like each coaching certification was expensive. One was 18K. One was 10K. One was 18K. And then I invested in a business mastermind that was 25K per 6 months, and I did that 3 times over. So basically that and then I invested in lots of other little programs to help me with different things. So I ended up investing over 150 K over 2 years. And I invested because I knew that the power of coaching and the when I learned that those skills, that knowledge that I would be able to apply them for the rest of my career, so I did invest and I did believe in it but when I was then looking at my like what was actually in my bank account because after taxes, and expenses I hardly made anything the first year when on paper it looked like I had a really successful year, and the second year of business I actually made a loss in my business, and even though I made a lot of money, I was making it mean that there was something wrong with me, that I didn't know how to manage my business, I didn't know how to manage my money. And actually this Lesson was the best lesson that ever could have happened, because it really helped me reevaluate my business and focus on the areas that I was really struggling, so I was able to go in and streamline things. I was able to really make use of the investments that I've already made and use the tools I already have, and I was able to access some of the best coaching, yeah, the world has ever seen, and now I'm able to offer the best coaching in the world, to my people. And so there's literally nothing that makes my heart fuller than knowing that I am the best coach for my people, and my people, tell me every single day, oh, my gosh, I am so blown away, I literally just coached with you for 5 min and it has changed my life and that happens all the time. So yes, I would have liked to make some more money to help with my family and things like that, but I'm willing to learn the lessons from this part of my journey and trust me, I did not enjoy this. I felt all the emotions, shame came up, disappointment came up, embarrassment, humiliation, rejection, and I just decided that these emotions were created because of stories, that I was telling myself, stories that I wasn't cut out for this, I didn't know what it was doing, that I was not good with my money, that I should have stayed in medicine. For all these stories it was just optional and I could continue telling these stories to myself or I could do the tough, really tough, deep work on embracing, that negative emotion that came up again and again, and again, and again, and create safety in my body to feel that and allow it in welcome it in and get really good at phone all of that negative emotion. Because now, DAMN, I'm at the other side, I'm so much more present in my life, there's just not as much of a rush. I'm not in a rush to get the kids to bed as much. I'm not in as much, of a rush to make money in my business. I'm not in as much of a rush to to do anything really, because I am much more present in my life right now, and that's only because I was allowing myself during that tough time to be in that tough time. I didn't need to come out of it, and the more I allowed it, the quicker, I actually came out of it, actually, which is so interesting to know. And so now I feel like I'm on fire I'm raising that self-concept of mine to be a coach that works with a 1,000 ladies at a time and now things are kind of flowing so much easier because I'm not in a rush and I needed the tough time to happen because of the lessons I learned from it. So now that I know I'm so glad that it happened now basically, instead of when I'm helping millions of women, like, it's so important, that it happened now, so I could clear things up in my mindset in my business, so that it's now set the foundation to be able to help so many people.
One of the biggest, things that I've learned this year is the importance of trusting the wisdom of my body more than my brain. And this, was a huge revelation for me, because I am a very cognitive person, I'm a Doctor, I've done a psychology degree, I’ve always been top of the class in all classes, basically a very academic person, grown up in a culture where academia and being able to use your brain is prized, it's like a prized possession to have a very able brain and so I used to like I was very very cognitive and in my weight loss journey, in my maintenance journey this year, especially, I realised that I couldn't coach my way out of certain emotions in my body, and I would want to do more coaching or do more work to escape the emotions in my body, and actually all I ended up doing was overworking because I didn't want to feel some negative emotions in my business and so I realised that the way to deal with this was not to coach myself or to do more, because that's in the thought, or the feeling line sorry the thought, or the action line of the model. But what I had to focus on was the feeling line of the model.
So this year has been a year where I've really gotten to know the physical sensations in my body. I've really gotten to know what it feels like to feel any of those emotions, and allow them to pass rather than needing to push them away with food or anything like that. Being okay, with sometimes I'm just not gonna want to do that and that's okay, but not making that mean anything about myself and trusting the signals of my body, even more so than my brain, trusting that wisdom of my body, even more so than my brain. It was only when I really trusted the wisdom of my body, like when basically the thoughts would come up like you're not cut out for this you should have gone back to medicine what's wrong with you, that's when I had to really go into my body, and the answer wasn't to coach myself. The answer was to really be with the disappointment. Let it be there, not push it away, and decide what do I want to now think about this failure? How do I now want to approach this
And this one thing has helped me so deeply help my clients this year to embrace their negative emotions and to be with them during failure, and when they have gained weight, to just normalise that that this is a part of the process and also to be able to explain the magic that happens when you combine the coaching, so the cognitive side, with the body side, the somatic side. Oh, my goodness, the magic that happens then is especially for someone who's very cognitive, is everything.
So that has been a snapshot of my year. Some really raw vulnerable things, because I just like to keep it real with you. Because I think that sometimes it can seem that I'm on the other side of the podcast mic, it may seem like oh, Amruti has everything together. She knows what she's doing. Oh, I wish I was like that. But I just want you to know that even me. I have a fifty-fifty life 50% positive emotion, 50% negative emotion. The only difference, is my ability to be with that negative emotion and process the positive emotion, and when I am able to do that more and more and more and more, then it doesn't have to be a problem for me. It can just be there, and I don't have to act from it. I can let it be there and then I can go and see what was I thinking? Right so that is the only difference. And that is the skill that I can teach you, that is a skill that we go over and over and over and over, again, and again, in the group coaching programme, learning how to be with your emotions, and that is a skill that will impact every single moment of every single day, for the rest of your life. So that's why, when people say oh, I don't really have that much weight to lose, I only have 1 or 2, kilos should I really still come? I always say, yes, because these skills are not taught anywhere else. They're taught in this program, so that yes, you can learn how to lose weight, but it's way more than just weight loss. The weight loss is just the the the way into accessing your brain, and accessing the wisdom of your body, and so when you can do when we can apply the life, coaching tools and the somatic tools, with regards to weight loss yes, you lose a hell of lot of weight, but also every single other area of your life improves because the way you do one thing is the way you do others. So that is definitely something that will be helping you.
So remember, the January enrolment for the Group coaching program is coming up
I will be starting off the Group Coaching Programme on 9th January, so early January, with a webinar
and enrolment will be open from 9th-20th January. So if you are thinking, yes, this is the time I would like to join, then make sure you go to www.amruticoaching.com/group to find out all the information and make sure you are ready and everything is in place for you to apply.
And this year, what I want you to do is look at your year I want you to evaluate your year, evaluate your weight loss attempts. Start by looking at what did you really like about it, what success did you have? What worked?
And then you can go on to what didn't work? Get specific about that. And then what are you going to do differently? This is a framework taught by one of my coaches Stacey, Boehman and it's really useful. She applies it to business, but you can apply it to weight loss as well. So when you are looking at what works, what didn't work, and what what you're going to do differently, it can really provide a framework to say,Okay, I'm gonna now put all the what worked and all the what am I going to do differently together, and I'm going to try that. And then you just evaluate again, and then tweak it, and so this is how you can lose weight and keep it off, because you make a doable plan for yourself, and then you just do a quick evaluation, see how it went, and then keep doing that, again and again and again.
Okay, I wanted to wish you all a very, very happy new year and I will see you again in 2023.
So amazing okay, ladies, thank you so much for your dedication, for your support this year, I love you all and I will see you in the new year.