Doing things you don't want to do

Hello ladies and welcome to the podcast.

So this is episode 60 and I wanted to bring up something that has come up for me that comes up for so many of my clients. And it's something that will be really useful for you in your weight loss journey, and actually not just your weight loss journey, but your whole life, because this is something that we, when we can learn how to do it will change everything for us.

So before I start, I just wanted to say, did you attend the webinar last week? What did you think? Have you started putting that into practice? And did you attend the live coaching calls? I'm sure you were thinking, oh my gosh, this is amazing. I need this in my life. And I'm sure you've already signed up for the group coaching program, but if you haven't and you're thinking, do you know what this is really for me? And then make sure you go and do that. Enrollment for the August group coaching program is open and it will be open until Friday the 22nd of July.

So you can go to my website, www.amruticoaching.com/group to apply. And when you are there, you can. book a consult. If you would like to book a consult with me or you can sign up directly. So both are an option for you and let's get started with today's topic. So today's topic is doing things when you don't want to.

Now, whenever we are doing anything new, it's normal for your brain to say, I don't want to do. that's the primitive brain, that animal part of your brain that is wired to seek pleasure, avoid pain and stay how you are. It wants you to do the things that you've always done, right? Because that has kept you safe.

So when you are doing things that you are currently doing, your brain is like, okay, this is keeping me safe. So let me keep doing. So change anything when you're doing something new is going to be uncomfortable every single time. Sometimes when we expect change to feel like all rainbows and daisies, we're setting ourselves up for failure.

Right. Because a lot of the people who come into the group coaching program, they expect to feel amazing about making this change. And yes, that may be there for a short amount of time, but then you may have the doubt coming in. You may have the worry coming in. You may have the anxiety, will this be possible for me?

All of that is very normal because your brain is doing something new. So it is going to be uncomfortable, because remember your brain thinks this is threatening my survival because I'm doing something new. What I was doing previously kept me safe. So I need to keep doing that. So it's very normal for you to like, have that high period when you've decided to make a change, but then followed by a lot of negative emotion.

When you are kind of deciding on a thing, whether you want to, you know, join the group coaching program, whether you want to apply for a promotion, whether you want to make any decision in your life, expect that you're gonna have some discomfort, but also experiencing that discomfort is not the reason not to do it because remember, life is 50 50.

Right. There's going to be positive emotion, 50% of the time, a negative emotion, 50% of the time. And when I think about myself, I'd rather do things that actually stretch myself and direct my negative emotion into growing, rather than indulging in just doing the same thing that I've always done. Because when I do the same things that I've always done, I'm gonna create the results that I've always got.

So when I am talking to people who are struggling with their weight. What they think about is I'll just do what I've done before that worked. But the reason that that hasn't sustained things for you is because when you keep doing what you've always done, then you'll keep creating the results you've always created. So I remember for me, this used to show up with, oh, I'll just, exercise more or I'll just eat less or I'll just count my calories. But I tried that so many times before in the past. So your brain thinks, okay, that's kept me safe. So let me just do that. But if that is not creating the result that you want in your life, then you want to do something new.

You want to do something different and yes, that doing something different is going to be uncomfortable and that's okay. because as humans, we are able to experience discomfort. We are able to do things that we don't want to do all the time. I don't want to exercise and I do it anyway. I often don't want to pick up my kids from school some days and I do it anyway.

I don't want to put my shopping away and I do it anyway. I often don't want to go to sleep because I'd rather watch the more Netflix and I go to sleep. Anyway, we do things that we don't want to do all the time. So this shows up so often with my clients. They often don't want to plan because it's something that they haven't done previously, or they've created a big story about planning.

They are still believing. So initially what we do in the group coaching program is we coach on the underlying reasons. We look at the stories that they have previously thought about planning, and we undo some of those and we think thoughts. That are gonna help us make an actual doable plan for ourselves, because remember, the way you want to lose weight is the way that you are gonna be eating for the rest of your life.

There's no point in doing something extreme and then not being able to continue that going forward. So in the group coaching program, what we do is actually eat in a way that you are gonna be willing to eat for the rest of your life.

When we've actually coached on the underlying reasons why they don't want to plan and challenge some of the thoughts when we've done that, it may just be an old, repetitive thought that just keeps coming up. I don't want to plan, I don't want to plan. I don't want to plan. And when that happens and we've already coached on all the underlying reasons, then that's when you can respond back to your brain.

And what I coach my clients to say is, you know what brain it's okay that you don't want to do. and we're doing it anyway. We can get so much more done in the world when we accept that, that most of the time, our brain's not gonna wanna do it. And you know what? We can do it anyway, because remember anything that you change expect that you're not gonna wanna do it.

It's normal because your brain will say, don't do. Remember, it just wants to keep you safe, but by keeping you safe, it's keeping you stuck. It's keeping you doing what you've always done. And the reason you're listening to this podcast is because you want to change that. And we as humans have this incredible ability to not believe our brains all the time.

We don't have to believe that we're not gonna do it. We can decide to do it anyway. So what would you think about is, think about a child. When you say to them to do something, they often rebel, right? It's normal because they only have primitive brains. So it's like when I'm getting very dressed in the morning after his dress, he brushes his teeth and there's always some sort of drama there.

He's like, I don't want to brush my teeth, mommy. And that's when I say, I know you don't want to darling, but we're gonna do it. but mommy, I don't want to, I know you don't want to, but we're gonna do it anyway. And then I talk to him about why it's important to brush your teeth and why it's, something that he may not want to do, but that's something that we're going to do anyway.

So he then comes back often. Like, no, I don't want to, I want to do this instead. Or dah, dah. That's when I'm persistent with him. And I just keep delivering that same message. And that's what you can do with your brain as well. Be persistent with your brain. You may not want to do lots of things. You may not want to do part of the six step process to permanent weight loss.

You may not want to plan. You may not want to evaluate the plan. You may not want to feel your emotions. You may not want to feel your edge. , you may not want to eat to hunger. You may not want to do yourself coaching and you know what? It's okay. That you may not want to do any of them. And as a human, you can do them anyway.

So one way of putting this into practice is using the following four steps. So when you notice that you are going to do something new, the first step is to expect to not want to do it. When you expect that your brain's not gonna want to do it because it's that primitive brain acting up and it's trying to keep you safe, then you can be like, okay, I know I'm not gonna wanna do it.

That's okay. So the second step is to create safety and accept that I'm not gonna want to do it. You may just put your hand on your heart and say, of course, I don't want to do this right now. Of course, it's just my primitive brain. So even just labeling that will provide you that safety and that acceptance that you're not fighting against your brain.

You're not arguing with your brain. your brain can be that tantruming toddler and you can be that supervising parent saying it's okay. And then the third step is to remind yourself of the reasons that you want to do it.

And part of this step is thinking about the feelings that you'll feel afterwards as well. And then the fourth step is to do. . So this showed up with one of my clients recently where she didn't want to evaluate her plans. So I ran her through this full step process. She was resistant to evaluating the plan because she was making it mean that she'd done it wrong and she shouldn't be doing it wrong.

And so When she was thinking, I shouldn't be doing it wrong. She felt guilty. And then she took the action of not evaluating. And then she kept proving that true that, oh, I, I shouldn't evaluate because I've done things wrong and she kept doing it wrong and wrong in her eyes. So we ran her through this full step process.

I was like, what if you started off with not wanting to do it and knowing that you didn't want to do it? And then creating safety for yourself and being like, of course, I don't want to evaluate my plan because I'm making it mean that I'm doing things wrong. Of course my brain's just trying to protect me right now.

Of course, I don't want to do that. And then she reminded herself of the reasons that she did want to do it. The reasons she wanted to evaluate her plan was so that she developed a habit for herself, that she did what she said she was going to do. because she wanted to find out more about herself and evaluating her plan.

Just allowed her to, you know, spend literally one minute before she went to bed, looking at, okay, what worked in her plan, what didn't work and how did she want to adjust it for next time? Because when she looked at her, plan or not following her plan as a failure, then she wasn't able to accept or.

Understand any of the gold that was waiting in there for her to learn from. Right. So when she was reminding ourselves that the reasons that she wanted to do it, then she was able to access that. And then I asked her, what feeling are you likely to feel after evaluating. and she'd done a few evaluations in the past.

So she had known that she felt accomplished. She felt proud of herself. She felt curious. She felt like, oh, this is what was going on for me. Oh my gosh. And she felt grateful to herself for doing that. Right. So when she thought about the feelings that she would have after, then she was more likely to want to do it.

And then the fourth step was doing it. So then what you do is you just rinse and. You expect to not want to do it. You create safety and acceptance for yourself. You remind yourself of the reasons that you don't want to do it and the feelings that you're gonna feel afterwards. And then the fourth step is just to do it, right?

So this is something that we put into practice in the group coaching program, over and over and over. And if you would like to lose weight permanently, this is the mind management work that has been missing in your journey. And this is what I'll teach you in the group coaching program. So as you know, the August group coaching program enrollment is open and I would love to teach you and coach you on this because when you learn this skill, it's not just going to help you on your weight loss journey, but in every area of your life.

So how it's shown up for me. is, I am much more able to follow things on my calendar. My brain says, no, I don't want to do it. And you know what I say to myself, I know brain, I know you're not gonna wanna do it, but I follow that, four step process I say, I expect that I'm not going to want to do it.

I create safety and, acceptance that. Of course, I'm not gonna wanna. I remind myself of the reasons that I do want to do it. I want to be a person who makes a plan and sticks to it with regards to my food, with regards to my time, I want to be productive and get things done so that I can serve my clients.

I want to feel accomplished afterwards because I love that feeling of accomplishment. I want to. Feel generous to my clients. And by getting the thing done that I said that I was going to do, I am being as generous as I can to all of my clients. And also I'm being generous with myself. Right. Because I'm following through with the decision that I'd made ahead of time.

And then the first step is I do it now. I'm not expecting perfection. there are some times where I don't and I then just go and evaluate and I just learn from it, right? So you may not want to follow your calendar, but when you learn this skill, you will do it anyway. You may not want to file your taxes, but when you learn this skill, you will do it anyway.

And you may not want to maybe declutter, but when you learn the skill. You will do it anyway. So whatever it may be, these skills are transferable, right? So you come in for weight, loss and down. Do you get that? you get that, but more importantly, you get so, so much more so. Enrollment for the August group coaching program is open until Friday, the 22nd of July.

And if you would like to sign up, you can go to my website, www.andruticoaching.com/group. And if you would like to book a consult, I'm doing them until Friday, the 22nd of. So just a heads up. I want you to keep Sunday, the 7th of August free. If you join the group coaching program, because I am moving things around and we are doing our first live event, it's gonna be a virtual live event for everyone who joins the group coaching program.

Imagine all the teaching, all the workshopping, it is gonna be amazing. You will leave the live event. Having made a doable protocol for yourself, you will have learned all the concepts that you need to learn, and you will be in the right mindset to put this into practice over the next six months. So this is a huge addition to the group coaching program.

And you can read about all the other aspects of the group coaching program, the live coaching calls twice a week, the videos and the worksheets in the. Custom made course the mind and body food planner and the private Facebook group to get unlimited written coaching. You can read about all of that and, there's an FAQ section on the website as well.

So if you've got any questions that I haven't answered. that you still want answering then first look at the FAQ section. And if that hasn't answered your question, you can book a consult to find out more, or you can email me. and my email address is on the website as well. Okay. So make sure that if you want to sign up to the group coaching program, go to my website, www.amruticoaching which is A M R UT I C O A C H I N G.com/group. So these tools will stay with you for life and the lightness that you will feel in your mind. And the lightness that it will create in your body is what I want to help you with. So come and join us. You are so very welcome in the August group coaching program, and it would be an honor to be your coach.

See you inside!