A true coaching success story with Dr Sophie Dear

Hello ladies. Welcome to the podcast, today I have an extra special treat for you. I have one of my amazing clients, Dr. Sophie Dear on the podcast today, and I'm really looking forward to talking to her and getting her insight on coaching.

But before we start, I just wanted to remind you that if you are thinking of joining the group coaching program you have until the 25th of March to join before you don't qualify for the amazing planner that I've created.

So this is a specific planner that I've created combining the mind management tools and the actual art of food planning. So it's over 200 pages of amazingness and it's the exact kind of thing I use in my food planning and it combines all the mind management stuff and the actual specifics of food planning. For example, you will be able to create a 90 day goal. Then you'll be able to create a monthly goal, a weekly goal, and a daily goal. It helps you evaluate your food plans and actually learn from any overeating moments without any judgment.

So that every time you overeat, you are actually learning from it. So this is a specific planner I've created just for the group coaching program, and this is going to be available to you, and it's going to be posted anywhere in the world to you when you joined the group coaching program before the 25th of March.

So if you've been thinking, okay, this is definitely something I want to do in the future this is the time to join because I'm only sending out paper copies up until 25th of March. So if that's for you, you can either arrange a consult with me and you can do that on my website, www.amruticoaching.com/group, or you can sign up directly.

So. That is the introduction that I wanted to inform you of, but now let me introduce the amazing Dr. Sophie Dear!

Sophie. I'm so happy to have you here. Welcome.

Thank you. I'm really excited to be here. Thank you. Yeah. So what I wanted to talk about Sophie today was your journey and a little bit about how coaching has helped you and then all the specific ways you are implementing the coaching in your life. So does that sound okay?

Yep. That sounds good. Yeah.

Okay. So tell me a bit about you Sophie.

Right. Well, I am Sophie. I am 37 year old. I am a doctor. I'm a psychiatrist. I've just, well, I'm just acting up as a consultant psychiatrist, which will hopefully talk a bit more about later and how I've used coaching in a new job, I'm a mum of two, I've got three little boys.

And I suppose I came to coaching slowly, so I've always, I've always loved food. It has always been a major part of my life. I love cooking. I love sort of, I mean, take the sort of time with friends and family and food is always a big part of that. And I had no idea about sort of weight and things I suppose, growing up, but I just gradually put some weight and I wasn't really that unhappy about it until I got married.

And they w as I was trying on the wedding dress, they said, if I lost a bit of weight I would be exactly on the size. I was like, oh yeah, I'll do this. And I lost loads of weight. I just restricted. And I had a goal and I did it and it was great. And so my dress fitted and I had a great wedding. And then it's slowly crept back on again.

And then some more. And then I wasn't happy with it. And I, it was a bit more of a battle, I would over time I'd be restricting. And then I'd go on holiday or like the run of social things and put on those more weight and it was all quite depressing. I never did sort of slimming world or weight Watchers or anything.

I just did it myself. Or did noom actually, which is an app again, restricting lots and generally just not really feeling great on it. And then I go into fasting and I really quite enjoyed that and I thought I've made it like, this is all I need to do. Just intermittent fasting. And then that wasn't working either.

And I was putting on more and more weight despite eating good foods, despite fasting. And I just sort of saw my life ahead. And I was thinking, I just don't want to be thinking about this all the time and feeling like it's going to be a lifelong issue. Although I was at the top of normal BMI.

I didn't feel like I was sort of you know, physically compromised at that time, but I was sort of thinking long-term I want to be healthy weight. I want it to be easy. So I, I found, found you, I guess

That's such an amazing introduction. So there's so many things that I want to go into, but firstly, why don't you tell the listeners how much weight you lost, what you started off, that what you ended, how long we've been coaching. Just so they get a bit of an idea.

So I think when I had my consult with you, I was around 65 kilograms and then I didn't sign up immediately. I thought, oh, it's a lot of money. And like, I'm a normal BMI. I've done this before. I'll just carry on. Then I managed to put on another great three kilos. And I was thinking I'm, I'm doing everything except the coaching. I was half heartedly planning my meals sometimes, wasn't feeling my feelings at all or feeling my urges, but yeah, that was something I've definitely learned.

So then I went up to 68 kilograms when we started. And then I've lost 10 kilograms over 6 months. Yeah, it is. And it's really not felt like an effort. Compared to the other times I've lost 10 kilograms.

How was it different this time?

I suppose it felt it was definitely less of a battle. I mean, it sort of just took a bit less brain space, I suppose. And I mean, the, yeah, the coaching did so much more than just the weight loss.

I feel like it sort of really sort of just changed how I am when I'm in my head. So before losing weight, I'd be thinking I'd be planning treats and stuff, and it would take a lot of time and effort and thinking about what I can and can't have, and then feeling guilty about having it or not. And I, it felt like this time I could just sort of get on with it without any of that sort of thinking and overthinking.

Yeah. So it sounds like the mental chatter in your brain about food was drastically reduced. And so now you have that space in your brain to focus on the other things that you want to focus on. Right. And you're not constantly thinking about, oh, do I need to have the treat?Do I need to do this? Or I need to do that, right? Yeah.

Yeah. Right.

Another thing that you said was that you're a consultant. Well, you're acting up as a consultant psychiatrist. And I thought that this would be a really useful thing to talk about because there's a stigma. And the clients that I coach, they think that they should know these things by now. So tell me your take on being a psychiatrist, dealing with thoughts, feelings, you know, dealing with the mind in your everyday job, being the most trained in that by being consultant psychiatrist, and you still gaining so much from.

Yeah, it's nothing like anything in my training at all. And it was something I really felt before I came to see you, because I thought, well, you know, she just thinks we've got some feelings. That's what I do. Like surely I can do this myself. But it's, it's not the same. And I think it's I might ask people about their thoughts and their feelings, but actually being aware of my own thoughts and feelings and how they relate to weight and goals and things. That's something I just haven't come across at all in my training. I mean, it's, it's, it's the same sort of things, but it's just a completely different perspective on it. And I suppose you might know everything about thoughts and feelings, but actually It helped me sort of see how they applied to me was really helpful. And I think, I mean, you could probably get, read a book about this. You could probably understand it, but without having that sort of external person help you apply it to yourself, I don't think you could really do it properly, even if you had had the training as such.

Yeah. Amazing. Because I think a lot of my clients come in feeling a little kind of like shaming themselves a little bit that, look, I should know this by now. I'm an intelligent, like I coach high performing women and they're successful in so many other areas of their life. Like you, right. So successful in all areas of your life. But this was the one thing that was holding you back. And so all of my clients think I should know this by now. Why don't I know this, this is like, you know, she seems to be talking like on her podcast when I'm listening to a podcast, I understand it intellectually. But what you're saying is it's completely different when you're actually applying it. Right. And you were listening to my podcast for awhile and, and following me and things for a while before you actually signed up. Right. So tell me how that then when you decided, what made you think, do you know what this is now what I want?

Yeah, I suppose it was, I was listening to the podcast and I really, I really believed in everything you were saying, and it sort of felt like an extension from fasting, I think. Yes, because I'd already done the fasting. I was like, yeah, well, this is, this is what I'm doing. Anyway. I just felt that I actually having help apply it to myself was where I really needed it. And it was a good time in my life because as I was applying for jobs and so thinking about the future, my boys were not babies anymore, so it wasn't in that sort of breastfeeding sleep deprived fog. So I felt I could have a bit more space for myself and I could, use that properly. So it was a good time in my life and yeah, as I say, I was thinking about the future and how I wanted to be. And yeah, I didn't realise quite how it would change my outlook on life and how it would actually sort of worked for all aspects of my life. But even the weight loss would have been great.

Yeah. Okay. So we're going to come back to that in a second, but there's another thing that you said about you'd had therapy and things before, and I just wanted to see how's coaching different to therapy?

So it's tricky. I mean, they're very similar, I suppose, in some ways, because they are a time and a space to think about your own thoughts. I suppose with coaching, I, you know, there's nothing wrong with you. You're not going because you've got an illness. You're not trying to be fixed. I see it more of a positive, a way of being a better version of myself rather than it curing me or something. I suppose therapy is as well wouldn't be, you can't use it as perhaps how you want to use it necessarily. You would, you know, your goals would be around your illness or your mental health difficulties or whatever it is. Whereas I suppose coaching, it's sort of all areas of my life.

Yeah, I think that's what a lot of my clients think. They think, well, now I can get therapy for free on the NHS. So why do I need to come to coaching? And I guess the difference that I kind of wanted to highlight is that it's different to therapy. So therapy is mainly focusing on getting you from where you're struggling in your everyday life to actually being able to manage with your daily life and coaching generally gets you from when you're managing in your day-to-day to thriving in your daily life. So that's one of the differences. Another one of the differences is that with therapy, we focus mainly on the past. So how has that been affecting you? What could have been going on in your past that has led up to this and with, coaching, even though we do go into the past, sometimes we focus mainly on the present and to the future because it's more goal focused, so it's more like, okay, how can we get you achieving that goal that you want to achieve? And for my clients it's weight loss, but then they don't realize that when we start applying the tools of coaching to one area of our life, all areas improve. Right. So I guess that's where we could go to next. Tell me, what are the other areas of your life that started improving when you got coached for your weight loss?

So I suppose the first thing I noticed changing was my relationships, I guess mainly immediate family first. So with my boys and my husband and then the wider family as well. I suppose I was sort of, again, it was less of the mind drama something which has been really big for me as being people pleasing and just noticing, I think that I didn't think I did but so it was really, really my eyes that I was doing that an awful lot and it wasn't doing me any favours, wasn't doing them any favours and having that insight and just having other ways of being really calmed everything down and just improved relationships dramatically.

Give me an example. So, so I mean, oh, sorry. Give our listeners an example. Obviously I know your examples, but like what would be an example so that they can relate to the things in their life?

I suppose. With my husband very much I heard your podcast on sort of manuals and I had a very strict manual. I still do. I, you know, I'm still working on that stuff, but it was a lot I resented him a lot for not doing as much childcare as I felt he ought to. And it was easy to get into the place where I'd be looking after the boys sort of resenting, having to do it and feeling he ought to be there. And then when he was there, I'd be cross with him. And so we wouldn't have a great time at all. I, I, you know, we've got a good marriage, like. Yeah, it's not, it wasn't a problem that I'd noticed, but now that I don't resent him and that I see what he does do and can realise that what I, when I'm looking after the boys and play, cause I choose to, and like I could do it in so many other ways, but this is how I choose to do it. Then it feels much, you know, nothing has changed. You know, I always look out it hasn't haven't changed at all, but I feel much more positive when I'm with the boys. And then when Jamie is with us, then I feel great and I can enjoy being with him. And so we just have a better time as a family. Really.

And what I hear you saying is he hasn't changed at all. The only person getting coached has been you. Right. And that's improved your relationship drastically only because nothing else has changed, but you've changed your interpretation of the events you've seen. The way you look at the events and you're not expecting him to make you feel better because you know that the only things that make you feel better is your own thinking. So you've worked on your thinking and feeding your emotions so that you don't need him to , make you feel better, right?

Yes. That's it. Yeah. Yeah. Amazing.

Isn't that so fun. The same thing happened with my husband. Like I used to have these nagging, things where I was like, oh, he's not doing this. He's not doing that. But when I was in that mindset, I wasn't seeing all the amazing things that he was doing. And so even though you have a thriving marriage, this will just take it to the next level. You can kind of just really embrace and enjoy your moments with them. And obviously you're human. You're all going to still argue and fight, but it's just the majority of the time. It's so much better.

Yes. Yeah all the time.

Yes, it really is. Yeah. Isn't that amazing? Okay. So how has it impacted you being a mum?

So yeah. I think one of the big things for me early on with something about what vaguely on time management, we did more around that with work, but I suppose it was around the feeling of abundance of time.I think I was quite stressed a lot of the time and I think moving the boys on from one activity to another. Because, I mean often buffering a feeling or something often because I thought we were late and what that would mean and what people would think of me, the people pleasing thing again. So I think I was hurrying them a lot and not really enjoying. time with them and just realising that we have plenty of time and thinking through the consequences of us not getting to places on time and actually doing less planning, less has been quite liberating. And I can actually focus on them a bit more. I know also what's my feelings and what's their feelings. I sort of get a bit of sort of perspective on that. Cause I think it can get quite blurry. And I know when you're emotionally dysregulated, you know, position to parent and you know, their emotional problems become your own and vice versa. And I, and I'm actually using the tools with my eldest who's six and he loves it. He's doing his own thought downloads. I can reflect on situations where they're not, I mean, that doesn't really work in the moment when he's kicking and screaming, but he's able to reflect on it and I can use the model with him which is really helpful for me as well. And seeing his perspective on things and hoping that he'll have these tools for life and. It'll just be a real positive for them moving forward.

Yeah. And I remember you actually shared with me a picture of him doing the model and, you know, actually being aware of his feelings. I mean, this is amazing if I haven't shared it yet, I'm going to share it on my social media students so well, and to my email list, because it was just phenomenal to see. That at the age of six, he was able to, you know, access his thoughts and feelings. So tell me a bit more about that situation.

Yeah. Oh, he'll be very proud to see work. Yeah, so I think the big one for, oh, it was for me. And then for him, his first realisation that you thoughts create your results. And I mean, with him, it was I can't remember what I said to you, but it was something happened. And he was feeling sad or angry at school. I think it might be in some sort of misunderstanding with the teacher. And so he went off in the playground on his own. And then he was feeling sad and lonely and he thought, no one's my friend. And then we came to find him and he was able to reflect on that, realise that because he'd had the thought that no one was going to be his friend he'd taken himself away that the results of being on his own.  And he could think he said, oh, you know, next time. a better thought would be, but I've had a tricky time. I need my friends and then actually sort of reaching out and he always liked me. He loves being around people. And so he's able to use that instead of thinking it's in the playground. Oh, I won't. You know, I, I want my friends, I need my friends. I've had a tricky time and find them rather than go off on his own. So when it's comparing real stuff, playground skills, even though I'm not there all the time, he can sort of reflect on our conversations. And I think that's just really helpful for him.

Isn't that the most amazing thing we want as a mum, like that's what we want for our kids. Right? We want them to be able to deal with their own emotions and actually. You know, be able to react in a way that's going to serve them. Right. And so this is one of the main things that my clients talk about when they're coaching, because a lot of the times for themselves, they think, oh, I don't really want to spend that much money for myself. But when they realise that these tools are completely applicable to their children and they can start using them even very young, like I started coaching my kids when they were four and two, like, you know, when they started talking, we would talk about feelings. We would normalise feelings. We would, you know, talk about the 50, 50, we would talk about failure and be like, how failure is the actual underpinning of success? How, you know, the only way to learn is to fail lots of times and then succeed. So. And so when you're able to do that with your children, well, firstly, you want to be that role model to them first, right? So you want to be the one doing it first because kids learn by watching what you do rather than what you say. So even if you're saying these things to them, that's great, but they're going to learn by watching what you do. Right. So how was it different from how you used to be and what you were teaching your kids then by what you were doing to after coaching?

So I spoke probably one of the big ones is around people pleasing. And I had this very strong rule know effectively the other people's feelings matter more than my own. And so it was, we need to do this or this person will be unhappy. And I thought that was good. I thought that was like teaching them to be nice, moral, helpful people. But I suppose sort of realising how that people pleasing had made that I wasn't putting my own needs as high up as they should be. And I wasn't looking after myself as I should be, and that it was creating all this mind drama, and I didn't want that for them. And I suppose understanding what's the difference between being nice and people pleasing and being a good person and people pleasing was really, really helpful. And I could use with the boys thinking about what we do and the choices we make as individuals and what's right and wrong, and then the reasons for doing it as well. And so, so that was really helpful.

Yeah. How would you describe it being different between being kind and people pleasing?

So, I suppose it's the reasons you're doing it. So it's the choice and you can be kind to someone because you want to be, and not because you feel you ought to be, or that there's some rule that you should do it.

And, and yes, you can, you can still do things which please people and feel good about it rather than resentfully pleasing. So even if your actions are exactly the same, if it's fuelled by thoughts, like I have to do it and I must do it for them to approve of me, even if your actions are the same, it's going to be fuelled by that. And you're going to be then people pleasing. Whereas if you're fuelling it with actually wanting to do it, choosing to do it, and you can also think about, okay, what I'm doing this like practically, when you're thinking about when I'm doing this, how does that feel in your body, does it feel icky and heavy and something like that, then that's most likely people-pleasing. Whereas if it feels loving and warm and calm and something that you actually want to do, then that's most likely that you're doing it because you're choosing to do it. Instead of people pleasing. So that's one way of deciding. Okay, amazing. So I also wanted to ask, how has it impacted you being the psychiatrist? How has that impacted you?

So I think it was a really good time to, do the coaching because it meant that I feel I've been able to choose a bit more about how I show up at work and the kind of doctor and sort of starting a new job as a bit of a fresh sheet. It's easier to make these changes. And again, it's the people pleasing. I could feel like more in control of my workload. I, I feel I can make some more positive choices about what I book in and I'm not doing things because I want someone else to approve of me. And then also, I, this is a big one I'm really still working on this idea about doing more and while at work it's usually seeing more patients does not make me more worthy. And actually, I mean, that's, I think before it's kind of buffering, I guess I would see lots of patients to make me feel better about myself and to sort of prove to anyone watching that I'm very efficient and I'm doing a brilliant job. But particularly making the transition from a trainee to consultant that well, the clues in the name you've got to be there to be consulted more, which means having more space. And I suppose that it felt quite easy, not booking patients in. Having space in my diary. But it's, it's meant that I'm actually a lot calmer at work. I'm able to respond to situations better because I have the space and I'm not resenting the appointments I've already put in. And I could be there for my team, I can actually do a better job by doing less which is quite a revelation.

That was one of the main things we worked on with regards to your work was intent because your underlying belief was the more I do the better. And that's what the majority of us think. So we tend to hustle in our life hustle in our work hustle in our business, when we're doing that in one area for life, it often shows up in other, so for you, it was also, I need to do more with my kids to be a good mum. I need to do more with Jamie to be a good wife. I need to do more for myself on my to-do list to prove to myself that I'm worthy, that when I do that means I'm successful. And so what we really worked on was , how can we do less and actually be even more effective at that? What you said is that you're still working on this, which is what I wanted to highlight as well. That not everything changes in the six months that we worked together. This is the foundation. And then yes, there may be some people who want to rejoin again to keep working on these things, because this is a lifelong thing, but that doesn't mean you can't get some astounding results in six months. Because we only worked together for six months, Sophie, right?

Yup. Yup.

Even then you are able to create so much change in your life.

Yeah, absolutely. And it feels like I can now see where things can change where I would accept things before. And then yeah, I feel like I'm much more in control of my future and I can do what I want and be who I want.

Yeah. Yeah. Amazing. Okay. So another thing that I wanted to highlight was that you lost 10 kilograms of weight whilst being normal. Wow. That's phenomenal. And plus in six months, despite no exercise, not feeling restricted, not feeling hungry, going on holiday, going out to eat, you know, all of the things. Tell me a bit more about that.

Yeah, so it was it sort of, it just happened, right? It's the magic. Yeah, I suppose I hadn't realised what the real issues were again, despite, you know, having done a lot of reading about nutrition, despite fasting and doing it well, because I do things properly. And I suppose being a normal BMI as well, like I know, I knew it was harder to lose weight, but it wasn't that hard to make a few tweaks. But mainly it was around the urges and noticing what was going on for me emotionally around food around meal times made such a difference.

So like what kinds of things specifically did we work on with your hunger and your urges and your emotions? Cause they're the three things that you talked about, right.

So with hunger I think the main thing for me was a feeling that I, well, it's all linked isn't it? I, if I was hungry, I needed to eat a lot. I deserve to eat a lot and often over eating, I think perhaps because of the fasting, I think, well, you know, I've not eaten anything for 18 hours, whatever it is I deserve to eat a lot. And then also, while it's all really healthy food, as lots of vegetables, I'll eat a lot and I suppose the complexity as well, which is something which might be creeping back in, but it was certainly much more of a problem before that because I love food. I wanted to cook a lot of different dishes. I wanted to try new things. And that just meant there was more to eat, so I would eat more. So that was something which has helped. And I suppose also I still really enjoy food and I still can try the recipes. And that, yeah, it's changed, but it's not lost any of its joy, I suppose.

Yeah. That's a really important point that you can still be a foodie. You can still love food. Yeah. And so a lot of people think that no, no, I love my food too much, but that for them is just an excuse, really, because they think that when I'm a foodie, then I can't enjoy a weight, but that's just a thought error it's that you can still enjoy your food, but you can still lose weight when you're paying attention to your hunger signals when you're actually processing your urges and feeling your emotions.Right.

And it doesn't have to be either or, it can be and. Yeah. And, and enjoy it more if it's planned. I was at a birthday party that weekend that I planned to have some cake and I did have the cake and I enjoyed the cake and then I stopped eating it, which is not what would have happened before.

Yeah. So many of my clients and what you did at the beginning as well is deprive yourself and then feel guilty when you were then eating and giving into the urge. And then that would lead to an all or nothing kind of thing where you'd then be like, oh, it doesn't matter. I've already failed. So let me have X, Y, and set as well. But when you actually do. Plan to have it. Even if it's off protocol, then you don't have the guilt and the shame and everything that comes with it. You can actually have it, enjoy it, be present with it and then say, actually, I've had enough. I'm full. Now. I will stop now because you're actually planning to have things of protocol too. And that's not bad. It's just, now that you have being in control of your, mind, of your planning of your life, really? You are able to plan these things and do it from a place of love rather than restriction, right?

Yes. Yes. Yeah. It feels really good to be able to do that and enjoy food.

What I wanted to ask now was the things that we worked on with regards to you and your thoughts about you, things that like self care and things, they didn't come quite naturally to you that we, we had to work on some of these things. So tell me about that.

Yeah, I'd always put my own self-care last, so, you know, I'd write it to do list than I might put on it, that I was going to do some pilates, but actually I wouldn't get around to it because I just like do more household jobs and things, and I just keep doing it. But I said there were also other things I was doing, which were self-care and work for me. And I didn't realise, and they felt like jobs, things I should be doing or needed to do, but actually I was doing because I wanted to. And so that's, I suppose it just gave me a sort of different attitude. I could enjoy what I was doing and think this is I'm doing this for me. even things like skin care routine or something like that. Whereas I think before I was just like, oh, I need to do this otherwise my skin will be dry and horrible, but as actually, no, I want to do this. And I'm using this time for me to do this and I'm enjoying it and just, that's a different attitude to things as really helped. And I do have more. So better planning, less scrolling the internet and sort of buying things that don't really need those. That's actually more time to do things I want to do.

Yeah. And by the way, your skin looks awesome. If you've been listening to this on the podcast, you can actually watch the video on my Instagram or on my Facebook. So make sure you go and check out the recording just to see Sophie's amazing skin.

Thank you. Tell me a bit more about what you said, like you're not scrolling as much. You're not, you know spent overspending and things. How has the coaching helped with that?

I suppose it's, it's not something we've sort of directly worked on so much at all. I suppose I'm just aware of what I'm doing and I'm not, I sort of haven't really got a plan or anything. I just notice when I go to Facebook, I think, oh, hang on a sec. Why, why am I doing this? And I guess, cause it's not been just a huge issue for me. I don't have so much of the mind drama, but I can just stop and think, oh, I think that actually I'm buffering. I'm feeling whatever it is. Often boredom or frustration or something. And then I can just feel that emotion. Get on with things rather than just sort of wasting time and then feeling guilty that I've wasted the time. 

So what really struck me there is that we haven't coached on any of these things, and yet you're still able to improve all of them. And the same thing with some of these other things we haven't coached in depth about them. We may have mentioned it in coaching and things, but because you have awareness of your thoughts, create your results, that when you're thinking a certain way, that creates a feeling you're able to feel your emotions, then that awareness that acceptance of yourself, allowing that yes, 50% of my life is going to be negative emotion and that's completely okay. It doesn't mean anything's gone wrong. It's just that being aware of it, accepting it, and then being able to change the way you think about it to create a different result for yourself. Right. And because we've been able to do that with food you've now been able to apply that to all other areas of your life, even though you haven't got formally coached on it, right?

Yeah.

That's so cool. So, so cool.

Yeah, I'm so grateful. Cause I mean, yes, it really, it has felt like magic and I've just been amazed at how you've got everywhere in my life.

So tell me, just say yesterday, or, you know, in the last week, how you've used coaching and how you're going to continue using it in your life. Tell me maybe just about what things went on in your brain and how the coaching has helped.

So yesterday I had my first day without the boys for a while. So there was a lot to do, and there was a lot time should, should have done, or, you know, I would have felt that I should have done. But I, I dropped them off at school and nursery, and then I felt I could make a good plan. Did what I wanted. I did stuff which was for me and definitely for me. And then actually I didn't finish everything I intended to do. And it, it didn't matter if I went to pick them up and. Just put them on that list for another time. And I think before I might've then picked them up and tried to do the jobs I hadn't done during the day and ignored them and resented them felt frustrated, but I actually went out with my big one and did his reading in a cafe and I didn't eat loads of stuff, I had a coffee and that was fine. In fact, that was it. It was a one meal day yesterday. And actually, I need to say, I got to the evening and I was hungry, but you know, a little bit, it wasn't, I didn't feel like I had sort of, you know, climbed a mountain or other thing. It was just. I had a good day and I enjoyed my meal. And, I's already got a plan for the leftovers, so I wasn't then eating as I tied it up and wonder if I was going to do with the leftovers. So yeah, I just generally a pretty normal day, but really calm and yeah, just pretty ordered, I guess.

And what struck out to me was that. You were kind to yourself, even though you didn't do everything that was on your list, you didn't make it a big deal. You didn't then go and overdo the things. Once you're with the kids, you spent time with the kids, you were able to still eat on protocol. You are able to put your leftovers away, which is something that we really worked on. Right. Because before you would be like, oh, There's leftovers. I need to actually eat them now. Otherwise they'll go in the bin or there who's going to eat them. And there was like a lot about that, right?

Yeah.

You were able to make some time for yourself, which was absolutely huge because that wasn't something that you were doing before. And even if you were, you didn't think that you were doing it for yourself. And so you never got the benefits of the self care because it was constantly about doing other things. Right? So this is just in one. Yes. So just imagine how much you're getting for the rest of your life. Just imagine that mental drain. So for everyone who's listening, if you're thinking that this much can be achieved in just one day from six months of coaching, just imagine what the rest of your life would be like, which is why I wanted to ask you. So for you, what would you say to people who are considering coaching?

Yeah, I suppose it's, it's just, you don't know where it will get you and how it'll work into all your areas of your life. And even if you're normal BMI and thinking, well, do I really need weight loss, coaching? It, it was for me, it's quite a good place to start. It was something tangible, something I knew. And, and also it's kind of a good barometer for how it, everything else is going in my life. You can see a number on the scales and you can look at your food plan and whether it happened or not. And that's quite a good way of starting with thinking about what, what is going on at that time. So yes, it, it works for weight loss, but everything else as well. So. Definitely.

Thank you. And what was interesting, what you said then was about, you were able to look at the facts. So you were able to look at what was on your food. What the number on the scale was, but you didn't make that mean anything about you at the beginning. You did, but then what changed was that you were able to normalise a lot of these things and neutralise the feelings that you used to feel when you're looking at the scale, for example, right? Yes.

Yeah.

What exactly did you like most about the coaching program? Would you say?

I think, yeah, the fact that it's tailored to me and that you just an amazing listener and the way you can sort of reframe things and I didn't feel challenged or judged at all. And I tell you things, which I thought were awful and really proved or how much for failure I was. And I, you know, you're just so positive and encouraging and got me and challenging as well. Cause I think, yeah, as I say, I knew it all already. Like why, why was I doing this? But I didn't obviously. And I just felt. Such a great sport to getting me to sort of rethink things. I wouldn't say gently, but it wasn't necessarily gentle affectively, I suppose. It was, it was right. Whatever it was.

So I think, yeah, as a coach, right? I mean, in the nicest way, I love all of you so dearly, but as your coach, I have to show you what your brain is doing, where it's holding you back. And sometimes that can be quite challenging. Sometimes that's not what you want to hear. In fact, most of the time, that's not where you want to hear. Right. You're so used to doing it a certain way. And it's often like most of my clients will make that mean something negative about them, but when you can do it in a way that's like so loving and like, listen, we're on the same team where we're get done to get you to your goal. And yes, sometimes I have to say the things that are feel hard if you're willing to do that. This is definitely the perfect place to be, right? Yes. Yeah. Okay. I asked you one of these questions previously, what kept you from joining the coaching program sooner? And you said the cost. So how would you, if someone else is thinking the same thing, what would you say to them?

I mean, yes, it is a big cost, but I suppose I was also overspending a lot. So I mean, just numbers wise. Coaching has stopped me overspending. So at some point I haven't done the math, but it pays for itself if only that. But I mean, I see it as something which will help me lifelong. So it isn't the cost over six months necessarily. It's the cost of the rest of my life. I mean, yeah, but my husband still had to pay for it at the time. And I'm very grateful that he did, but I felt that after I did three months initially, and then I signed up for another three months. And at that three month mark, he could see the change. I felt that I could, could justify the spending, I suppose to him, even though he wasn't sort of, you know, directly benefiting from, from the calls. Well, he kind of was indirectly.

Tell me how he describes you changing.

I think he's very much aware that I'm a kinder to him and I'm not holding him to account. Things which are beyond his control or, or not things he wants to be doing. I went, yeah, yeah. Yesterday I had to go to and bustling, definitely to do with my manual and not to do with him. So it's yeah, it's, it's improving. Maybe it's gonna make me sign up for another six months!

Most of my, most of my clients come in saying, no, my husband thinks it's too much money. And then I'm like, okay, He's going to probably benefit so much from this anyway. And so it's so funny because sometimes they come in saying my husband doesn't agree. And then afterwards they're like, when it comes to the, if they want to renew or not, they're like my husband's like here, take the money, just pay it. It's so funny that you say that because that's such a, a common theme. So I love that you said that. Okay. So as we come to an end, Well, I wanted to ask was what was the thing that surprised you most about the coaching program?

I suppose that it impacted all areas of my life without me trying. And that it's given me a perspective on what is possible. I thought I knew who I was before and that I was restricted by that, but this realisation that I can change it, it's all right to change and, you know, make unrealistic goals. And even for them it's really fun.

Yeah. And you'll still smashing them, right? Yeah. Okay. So can you see how you still have that little bit of like, oh, I don't like that success. You know, I don't like anyone talking about my success, which is definitely something we coached on as well. Right. Which is that success in tolerance? Like, I don't like anyone talking about my, my positives because I don't fully celebrate.

So that's definitely something to still. In your thought downloads, right?

Yes, definitely is. Yeah. Much easier to think. Oh, what next, rather than look what I've done.

Yeah. And so if you were to describe, look what I've done, how would you, how would you do it?

So I suppose since starting coaching, when I've lost 10 kilograms have decluttered the house, I've lost many kilos from the house, which has been brilliant and. And empty a diary and I feel better about it, I suppose. So, yeah, I think I have less of a lot of things dealing a lot better about it all.

Isn't that so interesting because when you lighten the mental weight, the physical weight goes and the weight everywhere in your life goes, what you're doing is you're simplifying. You're basically de-cluttering your mind, de-cluttering your body or from all the extra pounds and de-cluttering your whole. Yes. And that all starts with the mind. So when I say you, when you lose the mental weight, your physical weight is so much easier to release. That's what I mean, right? Because that's where it all starts. Like when I'm gaining weight a little bit, I just know that it's an indication that I'm not managing my mind as well. So before I would have been like, no, it's because of the food that I'm eating, but now I realize no, no, it's not because of the food because they are just, the actions is actually what I'm thinking. That's fuelling those actions. Right. Yeah. Okay. So Sophie, what are your last words for any potential listeners who are listening?

Yeah. Well, I've just, can't begin to describe how grateful I am for the experience I've had with you and read it and just say I'm amazed at what I have been able to achieve. And I would just absolutely encourage anyone to give it a go. And yes, you don't, know what is possible and yeah. Yes. Just do it.

Thank you so much. So one of my coaches once said, how would you rate your life on a one to 10?  So let's do it with you. What would you rate your life on a one to 10?

Oh, that's pretty good. Now they give it a, a nine. There's still things.

That's what I said as well. And she said to me, what if, what you think is a nine is actually a two?

Well, yeah, yeah, it could be, I guess. Yeah, I wouldn't have thought I'd get to this night. So yes. Like I can see that. That's amazing. Yeah.

So if you think what you're thinking is a nine is actually a two. Just imagine what more is is Possible for you. And that's not from coming from a place of scarcity or not enoughness, it's coming from pure abundance that, oh my gosh, my life is already amazing. And it's going to get even more amazing because I'm learning how to manage my mind and I'm learning how to channel it. And I'm learning how to feel the discomfort of growth. And. Because what's the worst that can happen. I'll feel the negative emotion. I don't have to feel my emotions. So it's all good. Sophie, I just wanted to say it's been such an honor being your coach. You've been so amazing. You have really dived into some of the, these really tough things that we coach. And you've done it with so much grace and determination. And I just wanted to say, it's been such an honour coaching you and I'm so, so proud of all of the amazing results you've created and that you continue to create throughout life.

So thank you so much for coming on. I really appreciate it. And I wish you all the best.

Oh, thank you very much. Thank you all. Very welcome.

So listeners, if you want to do anything, if you want to get these amazing results that Sophie has, created in her life, join the May group coaching program and make sure you're joined before the 25th of March, because then you get that amazing, amazing planner that I've created specifically for you, and it will be mailed to you anywhere in the world. So I'm going to love you and leave you all. Thank you so much for coming on Sophie and I will speak to your soon, bye!